when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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