Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
