Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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