What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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