I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
