We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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