I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaĆt comercial?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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