3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
