THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
