john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
