yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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