i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
