the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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