you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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