So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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