Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
