why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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