I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
