You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
