He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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