I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
