He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
