i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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