We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
