sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
