he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
