I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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