I am in a vortex of obligation.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
