thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
