Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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