I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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