If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
