I looked at my own cervix.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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