I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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