you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
