Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We need to get me chipped asap
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
