We're like a lot better than the average bears
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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