my sisters under your porch take her home
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
