ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
