Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
