Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
