haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
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i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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