you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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