I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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