Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
