I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
