After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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