I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
