we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
