Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
