yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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