Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
