she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Farmville is her only friend.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
