haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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