We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
