guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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