The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
