you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
