he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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