Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
