and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
sarcasm needs its own font
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
