dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
