can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
