i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
