who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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