woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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