True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
