well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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