He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
