Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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