And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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