i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
