I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
