Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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