i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
